Goodbye 2010 - Hello 2011

I am not much of a resolution maker or anything like that but I plan to work really harding on making 2011 a better year than 2010. Don’t get me wrong, 2010 taught me lots and I got to experience some awesome things.

I wrote and produced my very first film for my school’s film festival, and although I didn’t win any awards, and I still consider it a “work-in-progress” it felt really good to create something from scratch.

I got to participate in an awesome internship at Country Music Television and even got to help out at the CMT Awards. I lived and worked in Nashville, TN, living away from home for the first time (excluding living on campus).

I turned 21, and although I was in Nashville and away from all my friends, I still managed to celebrate my birthday in a fun way.

I was also a bridesmaid in my best friends’ wedding and got to cry through my tears as two people whom I have known since middle school exchanged their vows.

2010 also brought me some new friends, and some great experiences like the Epic Nash-Lanta Roadtrip to see Honor Society in concert on back-to-back nights in Nashville, TN and Atlanta, GA. Getting to meet and greet the Gents at both concerts and sharing a moment with Andy when he said he saw our tweet about our car breaking down in Nashville and how they would have come rescued us if they hadn’t already been in Atlanta at the time.

2010 was pretty great but I am looking ahead to 2011.

This year I plan to:

Graduate from University in April.

Go on a two and a half week roadtrip with my roommates of four years, ending our trip in Orlando to visit WWoHP in May.

Get a job.

Possibly move out of my parents house.

Start dating again.

Turn 22.

See my college best friends get married in October.

Happy New Year Friends!!

May your 2011 be AWESOME!!

Roommates can be frustrating.....

Let me preface this blog by saying that this post is going to be a rant. It will probably come across as rude and inconsiderate, but it has been pressing on my mind for WEEKS and I need to get it off my chest. I don't want to have all my anger and emotions come out if/when I confront my roommate so I need to vent it here first. I hope you don't mind.

One of my three roommates I have never lived with before. We felt bad that her roommate bailed on her, so because my other two roommates and I were to be renting a two bedroom apartment, and we all knew her because she had lived down the hall from us last year, we invited her to join us. However, it is still kinda awkward because we aren't really what you would call friends. Sure we know her well enough to live with her, but we don't really know her all that well having only really met her last year and hadn't really spent much time with her before she moved in. This causes a bit of tension between us already because we don't know each other's ticks and so on. The rest of us have lived together for three years and have therefore developed a really strong relationship and while I still notice their quirks they don't really bother me. However, the new girl, just seems to rub me the wrong way. She changes in the bathroom instead of her own bedroom, which to me is just weird and I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does because when she's in there the rest of us can't be. It's one thing if you are showering or something but otherwise you are just taking up the space. Also, we are 3 1/2 months into school at this point and I think by now she should have picked up on the rest of our routines. But no. EVERYDAY she asks what time we will be waking up the next day and who amongst us will be showering when. Really??? Why don't you just wake up when you need to for class and if someone is in the shower, just ask them through the door to hurry up because you also have to shower. We will respond to that I PROMISE. We have all shared bathrooms for four years (and in my case my entire life...three girls one bathroom growing up YIKES!)

And then there is that awkward moment when we are planning outings with our friends and we hesitate and think, should we invite her? I mean she really isn't a part of our close group of friends, yet it would be rude not to since she LIVES with us, but it really is a puzzle because we have had the same group of friends for four years and now I feel like we have this "third wheel" that we have to worry about.

It really shouldn't bother me as much as it does, but I swear I am getting really tired of her. And I know that is incredibly rude and self-centered of me. But I am tired of her constant questions and her constant asking of permission to use things that we have told her 100 times are community property.

This really is like 3 months of venting and I apologize to my readers (if I even have any). It is almost Christmas break and I will be out of this space for like three weeks. I am hoping my time away will give me space to clear my head and put all of these frustrations in perspective and I can come back in the new year with a better sense of how to deal with these problems, including talking them out with the roommate in question. We will probably have to call a roommate meeting or something, but I really do want to get this resolved. It is so draining to be frustrated with someone you live with and not doing anything about it.

It's a rollercoaster ride we're on

Yesterday was quite a rollercoaster ride. What started off as a normal work day at CMT quickly changed into an emotional rollercoaster. Some of these emotions were work related and some were personal, yet the personal ones seeped into my work. One of the first things that happened was my mom texting me to tell me that my uncle who has been in and out of the hospitals for surgeries over the past couple of months probably wouldn't make it to the end of the day. So now I have to continue through my day while carrying around this weight of apprehension. It was like a tangle of nerves, a rock, in the pit of my stomach all day, yet I had to continue my job, keeping my composure while handling my duties. Then some minor work related stress came in the afternoon after our weekly viewing of the show when I discovered that we had to switch out a bonus music video for another one, which meant I had to go back and re-write the closed captioning script to reflect the changes as well as replace the lyrics. Then I hear the news that my uncle has passed and all I want to do is cry at my desk, but how unprofessional would that be? Then literally five minutes after I have read the news on my sister's Facebook wall, my little sister is calling me to tell me that she has been accepted at my college. Which should make me very happy, but it is hard to be happy when I can still feel the lump in my throat and my eyes are still glazed with silent tears. Then my mother beeps through and I take her call, and she unleashes on her stress on me. She rants about how the money situation is going to be so tight if my sister begins to attend my school. And I know this is a concern, a big concern, but how am I supposed to do anything about it? She goes on about how she has already paid for my cousins, my aunt and my grandma to come visit next week, and now she will have to fly to Miami for my uncle's funeral. And then she will have to fly out to WA in a few weeks to move my sister into her dorm, although I could probably do that myself. I move in the same day she does, I would be more than happy to get her to where she needs to be. But I really can understand where my mom is coming from. My school is expensive, I'm not going to deny that. But my dad makes good money and if they just cut back on eating out and buying things that they don't need I think that God will provide. We just need to rely on him. Plus, with both of us out of the house, and my dad in Iraq how much money will my mother really be spending?
Although another part of me thinks that the real reason she is upset isn't the money or my sister's medical problems. I think is afraid of all of her daughters moving away. As much as she complains about my little sister still living at home, I think she likes it because then she is not alone. Maybe she doesn't want my sister to start school in the fall because then she will have to be alone while my dad is in Iraq. But I just can't carry around everyone else's emotions. It is so hard just living my own life, to have all of this other stuff thrown on me as well is sometimes more than I can handle. I am really happy that my sister has been accepted at my school, and proud that she would want to go to the same school I do. I am also glad because I will get to see her all the time, so every time something happens that I know only she can relate to, she will be right there to enjoy it with me. But I know I am the go between. My mom will be calling all the time to 'check up' on my sister and I am hoping that I can handle it. This is my senior year. My last year to hang out with my friends all the time, and do pretty much whatever we want before we have to enter the 'real world'. The world of 9-5 jobs and rent, and car payments and all that other stuff that comes with being a responsible adult. I hope that I won't die of stress before that happens.
And readers, I apologize for throwing all this onto you, but if I didn't let it out somewhere it was going to erupt inside me and I can't handle that. I could feel it building up just from yesterday. I can't imagine what another 24 hours would do. Thanks for being so patient. It is nice to be able to let this all out. LIke that breath of air after you have been under the water for too long. Wish I could meet you all in person and give you a hug. And for those of you that I do know in person, expect a hug the next time we meet face - to - face. [you know who you are.]

The end is approaching....

Of my internship that is....

It really hit me today that this internship is almost over. I received an email from HR reminding me to schedule my exit interview as well as clarify which day would be my final day at CMT since I will have to surrender my badge. There is a part of me that wishes they would just deactivate it so I keep it as a reminder of my time here. While I will be taking memories, some pictures, and of course all the amazing experiences and lessons, having tangible evidence would be the cherry on top. But alas, that won’t be possible. This experience really has been a dream come true. I have learned so much while I am here. I have seen how each episode of the show gets put together starting with the research, which evolves into the written script, which is then used to film.

I have also got to see how each of the other departments work together to keep the channel up and running. We wouldn’t even have a show unless the music strategy department took the time to figure out where each music video ranks and which new videos need to be premiered. Or if the mobile and dot com departments didn’t push our audience to watch the videos on their phones or online. And while at times it seems like each of us is just a small cog in a big machine it is also a lot of teamwork. We do have control over what we do; it isn’t just all decided for us by some faceless entity.

I also know that just by being apart of this internship I have given myself a leg up on entering this profession. I have had the opportunity to work on both small and large-scale productions while I have been here and can use that knowledge and experience in whatever I pursue next. I have also got to experience first hand the inner workings of a huge organization, albeit one of the smaller entities of a huge organization but still.

Working at CMT has really opened my eyes to the world outside of school, and wherever I end up going after my time at Trinity is done I know that I will be prepared because of my experience here. Whether it is the hustle and bustle of working on a set or if it is working on the clerical side of a production, I can say that I feel prepared to work in this industry.

Still going strong...

I cannot believe that it is almost July. The summer is going by so fast. My internship is about half over, yet I feel like I just got here. Although despite how fast it has gone by, I am still incredibly blessed to be working here and learning from these people. I love being able to collaborate with people from all over America, and in all sorts of capacities. Just last week I helped out the news department with some transcription of an interview Jewel did for Shape magazine. It was neat to step outside what I normally do and work on something else, even just for a few hours. I had to watch the entire interview and mark the timecode of where each segment of the interview started and stopped. Then once that was complete, I went back and watched it again so that I could transcribe the interview. It was a 25 minute interview and took me about 2 hours to transcribe the whole thing, but it was a cool experience. I don't know if that is something I would want to do a lot (as it is tiring after awhile), but it was still a good learning experience.
Another benefit of my job this summer is that I have really beefed up my researching skills. As the majority of my job is researching the artists on the countdown, I have become increasing better at identifying what is valuable information and what is not. I have also become better at skimming articles and such to find the most interesting piece of information. As the writers only write small little snippets about the artists for the show I need to get them interesting and concise information. I know that the skills I have been utilizing this summer and have been improving upon will really help when I go back to school and have to write a research paper.

Mondays

I am sitting in my cubicle wishing I knew where I had put my headphones. I couldn't find them this morning and didn't want to wake my roommate, but now as I sit in this eerily quiet office I wish I had them so I could play some music while I work. Mondays are slow in the afternoon since the bulk of my job was accomplished earlier in the day during the taping of Top 20. And right now I really need to play some music, not just to get away from the silence which is only broken by the clicking of multiple keyboards, but also to keep me awake. Although it is only Monday I feel like I have already worked a full week. Which in a way I guess I have since I really haven't had a break since the Tuesday of last week due to the CMT Awards and CMA Fest. While I did go home for Thursday evening and Friday, I feel like I didn't relax or rest at all and then I came back and worked two more full days and then had to be up early this morning in order to go to the store to pick up craft service for the in studio shoot earlier this morning. And now I have seen to hit a wall. And usually some upbeat music cures this, but alas I have no headphones. So I am sitting at my desk with heavy eyelids trying to figure out a way to keep myself from falling asleep at work. Which is also why I am writing this blog. It gives me something to focus on and keep from staring off into space like my body obviously wants to.
Despite my tiredness and my lack of headphones I do have some positives for this blog. This past week of work, while long and tiring, was extremely fulfilling. I got to see how a huge, live award show is run and participate in backstage activities as a talent escort which gave me the opportunity to be close to all my favorite country artist. While I had to remain professional and could not take pictures or ask for autographs (even though a small part of me desperately wanted to), it was still amazing to be so close to so many amazing people. Also I got to experience how those type of shows are run. And let me tell you, it takes an army of people to pull off what you see on TV. Because it is the only exact number I know, I can tell you that there was 60 talent escorts. These are the people who escort the artist from the red carpet to their seats, to a dressing room, to the stage, wherever they need to go. If there was 60 of those people (who spend most of their night standing around waiting until their artist needs them) think about how many producers, camera people, stage managers, crew guys, production crew, etc. etc. are needed to make the show run smoothly. Like I said it takes an ARMY! I am so fortunate to have been a part of something so HUGE!
I also had the opportunity to help out at CMA Fest which is, as one of the executives so elegantly stated in an email, the Mecca for country music fans. The four days of CMA Fest was chalk full of events specifically designed for country music fans. Concerts, fan club parties, meet and greets, autograph signings, etc. I worked at the CMT booth which on Saturday was hosting a Rascal Flatts meet and greet that drew hundreds of people. It was insane, and I had to stand in the same spot all day, but there was something about seeing the smiles on everyone's faces as they exited the meet and greet which was rewarding. Maybe that's why the artists also do it. To see the smiles on their fans faces. That experience may have nothing to do with my immediate career goals, but it is something that I can take with me. No matter what you do in this industry (TV, Film, Music) you need to appreciate those who help you reach your goals, the people that are behind you, because they are the ones who get you where you are. Also it taught me about communicating professionally with those outside of my co-workers, because I had to deal with the fans who weren't fortunate enough to snag meet and greet passes and whom were willing to climb over people to get closer to the band members and when talking to these people I had to remember whose name was on my T-shirt and who I was representing as I chose the words I would say. And in the end, it was worth it because the meet and greet went smoother than we had anticipated and Rascal Flatts even invited all the staff to come up on stage for a picture. Which I have hanging in my cubicle.
Everyday when I come to work I am just so grateful to be here. This is a hard industry to break into and even just being here in an unpaid capacity, with no guarantee that I will land a job after it is over, is rewarding. I get a closer look at the inner workings of a corporation, I get to see how different departments work together to not only produce the shows, but also to sell the CMT brand and even work with the music labels and the artist to better market them. It really is a circle of us promoting them, which promotes us so we can continue making our shows. It is just astounding to finally see how it all works. It also feels nice to be falling into a routine here. To know what I am expected to accomplish each day and doing it without my boss having to tell me or having to ask what it is to be done. Especially after my experience at the award show I am more confident that I could do this job (or a similar one) for a living. I could even handle the stress of working bigger shows than the one I currently work on. Dealing with all the people and the bigger production scale. While working on a show the size of Top 20 would be a good fit, I could see a production that is more detailed than one host in a small studio with three cameras, as a good fit as well. The energy that a big scale production brings was so much FUN for me. It made me feel so energized and important to be working on something of that size. Not that I don't enjoy my show, I do, but if I ended up working on a bigger show wherever that might end up being, I would be okay with that. My options are definitely open.

Life as a CMT Intern

Wow. Life as an intern is certainly tiring work. You work long hours for no pay, but what you do get out of it is excellent job experience and something really cool to tack up on your resume.
But back to the tiring part. It is only 9 at night but I feel like I could go to bed right now. Things are in full swing for the CMT Music Awards which go down tomorrow night at 8/7c. I spent pretty much all day at the arena and everything and everyone down there is in constant motion. People everywhere. Moving band equipment, hunting down something or someone. And everyone is talking on headsets and walkie-talkies. As I checked in for my shift, and was issued a pass that would give me access to all the backstage areas I was also given a list of all the walkie-talkie channels. There are 16 channels and each channel is a designated department. I'm sure if they didn't do this, no one would ever know what is going on since there would probably be a constant stream of conversation.
I spent my day today as a talent escort and will go back and do the exact same thing tomorrow. Basically I pick up the talent as the enter the building and take them wherever they needed to go. And then I stayed with them until they left the building, which meant a lot of standing around waiting for them to move from place to place. I spent almost an hour standing outside a dressing room doing nothing until they gave me the ok to bring that particular person to stage.
On the one hand, this is incredibly boring, but on the other it is incredibly cool. I got to see so many people today and while we weren't really introduced and I definitely couldn't ask for a picture since I was working it was still really awesome.

Here is a list of the people I have seen/met since I started here:
Evan Farmer (host of CMT Top 20 Countdown)
Jeff Dunham
Randy Houser
Trace Adkins
Zac Brown
Lady Antebellum
Miranda Lambert
LeAnn Rimes
Kid Rock
Kellie Pickler
Melissa Peterman
(and the list will keep growing....)

The 'glamourous' life of TV

I have now been working at CMT for about three weeks, and I times I still can't believe that it is true. It is so much more than I would ever have imagined before I began working here. I have taken film classes so I know that a lot of work goes into making films and TV shows, but what we get accomplished in short spans of time amazes me.

In one week, the prep work and script writing take place and on the start of the next week we are shooting the next episode. Or as was the case last week, we shot one episode on Monday and then another on Friday. Leaving a shorter amount of time for preparation. My job involves long hours spent on the internet doing research for the writers. The show I work on "CMT Top 20 Countdown" highlights the top 20 music videos of the week. A pretty simple concept if you think about it. However we don't just say what order the videos are in and leave the show at that. We like to provide little tid bits of information about the artists or about what went into the making of the video. This is where my research comes in. My research gives the writers the newest information about the artists that they can work in (sometimes humorously) into the script.

However, this is sometimes easier said than done. Because we prepare the research about a week before the show actually airs you have to find information that will still be interesting when the episode airs. That was difficult this week. Because the CMT Music Awards and the CMA fest are next week, most of the music news this week revolves around those two events. The news stories are about who will be playing at what time and so forth. However, when this particular episode airs, most of these events will be over. There is no point mentioning something that will have already happened. One thing that would be cool to note in this episode would be who won what awards. However, since we are filming before the winners are announced there is no way we can include this information.

So that in a sense is the 'boring' part of my job. But I enjoy it. While it does get a little monotonous and tiring sitting in a cubicle all day looking up information on the internet, I enjoy it. Why? Because I get to find out the newest information right as it hits the public. I like being 'in the know'. It is cool to go home to my roommates and tell them about what I found out during the day. One of my roommates basically does the same thing I do all day (for the radio station) so sometimes we have seen the same piece of news, but it is nice to be able to talk to someone about it.

The really cool part of my job is to sit in on the tapings of the show. When you watch the show on TV everything is edited together and flows perfectly, but in the taping we jump all over the script and things don't always go smoothly. It is an interesting experience to sit in the production room and watch take after take and see how it all comes together. Plus I get to hang out with the host of the show on occasion. (Who is a really cool guy by the way). Plus, everyone treats me like a full member of the team even though I am just an intern and am not even getting paid to be there.

It is really nice that I actually WANT to go to work everyday and it isn't something that I HAVE to do. I think that makes all the difference really. And if I like it this much when I'm not getting paid, I think it more solidifies that this is definitely something I could do in the long term. This kind of work could be what I choose to do with my life. I could live my life, excited about going to work everyday. It doesn't even bother me that I have to get up early, because when I get there I know that I will enjoy what I will be doing, and that is a great feeling.

Poem for Memorial Day

-----------------------------------------------------
JUST A COMMON SOLDIER
(A Soldier Died Today)
By: A. Lawrence Vaincourt, Copyright 1987
-----------------------------------------------------

He was getting old and paunchy and his hair was falling fast,
And he sat around the Legion, telling stories of the past.
Of a war that he had fought in and the deeds that he had done,
In his exploits with his buddies; they were heroes, every one.

And tho' sometimes, to his neighbors, his tales became a joke,
All his Legion buddies listened, for they knew whereof he spoke.
But we'll hear his tales no longer for old Bill has passed away,
And the world's a little poorer, for a soldier died today.

He will not be mourned by many, just his children and his wife,
For he lived an ordinary and quite uneventful life.
Held a job and raised a family, quietly going his own way,
And the world won't note his passing, though a soldier died today.

When politicians leave this earth, their bodies lie in state,
While thousands note their passing and proclaim that they were great.
Papers tell their whole life stories, from the time that they were young,
But the passing of a soldier goes unnoticed and unsung.

Is the greatest contribution to the welfare of our land
A guy who breaks his promises and cons his fellow man?
Or the ordinary fellow who, in times of war and strife,
Goes off to serve his Country and offers up his life?

A politician's stipend and the style in which he lives
Are sometimes disproportionate to the service that he gives.
While the ordinary soldier, who offered up his all,
Is paid off with a medal and perhaps, a pension small.

It's so easy to forget them for it was so long ago,
That the old Bills of our Country went to battle, but we know
It was not the politicians, with their compromise and ploys,
Who won for us the freedom that our Country now enjoys.

Should you find yourself in danger, with your enemies at hand,
Would you want a politician with his ever-shifting stand?
Or would you prefer a soldier, who has sworn to defend
His home, his kin and Country and would fight until the end?

He was just a common soldier and his ranks are growing thin,
But his presence should remind us we may need his like again.
For when countries are in conflict, then we find the soldier's part
Is to clean up all the troubles that the politicians start.

If we cannot do him honor while he's here to hear the praise,
Then at least let's give him homage at the ending of his days.
Perhaps just a simple headline in a paper that would say,
Our Country is in mourning, for a soldier died today.

Life in Music City

I really can't not believe that I am here. It feels so odd to me that I am actually living in Nashville, TN. The home of country music and home to some of the biggest names in music. The place where Johnny Cash and Elvis recorded. I live only two blocks from Broadway street home to all the bars and honky tonks where many of today's leading country artists got there start. That I am right around the corner from CMT and that I am actually working inside it's sacred halls.

A few months ago it was still just a dream. My application was in the mail and I was awaiting reply with batted breath. And then I receive phone calls and interview with several different departments, all in the hopes of joining their ranks. And then I get the call saying that someone wants to hire me for the summer. To teach me their trade. And I am ecstatic dancing around my room and I began making plans. I search and search and search for a place where I can live. We try friends of friends, craigslist, we search apartment complexes. We make multiple trips up to Nashville and look at dozens of places but none of them fit. I began to give up hope of ever finding something. I make reservations at a hotel. Then the (almost) impossible happens. Two other interns are looking for a roommate. It is like the answer to prayer. I go to orientations on Monday with a renewed sense of hope. I will get to look at the place when I get done that day. All day my stomach is a mass of excitement. 1. because I am walking the hallways of CMT seeing where all the magic takes place and 2. my dream apartment could be awaiting me when the day is done. I finish early. I meet up with one of my (possible) new roommates. I see the place. It is a dream come true. It is perfect.

I tell her I will move in Wednesday, the day I check out of my hotel and the day my mom was planning on coming to Nashville to help me move in somewhere, anywhere. I go home that night back to the hotel more excited than ever. Not only will the next day be the first FULL day of work at CMT, but I have found a place to live. Everything is coming together so nicely.

This experience has more solidified that GOD knows exactly what we need and he will show it to us when the time is right. It may be frustrating, waiting on a plan because you can't see how it will pan out, but GOD always knows. And when you rely on him to guide you, things turn out better than you could ever have planned them yourself. This summer is going to introduce me to so many amazing opportunities. And hopefully some doors will be opened as well. Who knows, maybe I will be back here again this same time next year, but instead of looking for something for the summer, I will be looking for something permanent. Maybe my career will start right here in Nashville. This place is filled with so much opportunity. You can feel it in the air as you walk down Broadway and listen to the sounds of what could be the next big thing or as you casually pass by a star and give them a head nod and a casual hey. Passion and opportunity. This summer will be filled with it.

time is a funny thing....

I'm sitting on my couch, looking around at my half packed up dorm room. There are suitcases and boxes everywhere and I find myself contemplating the past school year. As I get older time seems to pass by so much more quickly than it did when I was a kid. As a kid, time seemed to pass by so slowly. You were always counting down to the weekend because there was no school and you can hand out with your friends. Plus who could forget Saturday morning cartoons. I remember getting up EARLY just so that I could watch the good cartoons. Now getting up before 10 on the weekends is like some kind of torture. Now, the weekend comes and goes in a blink of an eye and you haven't even made a dent in your list of to dos so you begin the next week already behind on whatever it is that you were working on. And remember that due date that you circled about when your term paper was due. At the beginning of the school year it seemed so far away, so you procrastinate starting the research until about two weeks before it is due and then the night before it is due comes and you stay up all night to finish. And it is like that date just snuck up on you. One day you look at your calendar and there it is staring you in the face. That circled date marking the day that 35% of your grade will be determined.
Yeah, that definitely happened to me this semester. But it wasn't just one project. Nope I had like 4 or 5 projects all due in the same 48 hour period. So I worked my ass off for about a week getting it all done, some of it early, just so I could do it all. And my film still came down to the wire. We finished editing it about 6 hours before the film festival, after spending 14 hours straight editing it. I was definitely up for about 36 hours. I slept so much the next two days after that. Now this week has been exams. And it has FLOWN by. Seriously. I've had enough time to study and write my take home exams, don't get me wrong, but now I am looking at these boxes that I have started packing and it really hit me. I am finished with another year of university. It is CRAZY!!! I still sometimes feel like I have only just begun. I can still picture myself as that scared little freshman, stepping out on her own for the first time. Yet, here I am. I just emailed my last take home exam off to my prof. I am officially done with my THIRD year of University. OH MYLANTA!!! Next year I will be in my FINAL year of university. THen I will have to go out into the real world. Find a job. Find a apartment. Find a husband (after a few years of course). This scares me a lot more than it should.
I feel like I still rely on my parents for so much. Yet next year when I graduate I will no longer be able to rely on them. I will have to forge my own path in this world. And although I know that I am 'prepared' I just don't know if I am fully ready. University has been such a great experience. I have learned a lot and made friends that I am sure I will be friends with for LIFE! But sitting here I am just thinking that at this time next year I will be leaving this chapter of my life behind. We will all be moving onto bigger and better things. And while I know that we will remain friends and remain connected....Skype anyone?..... it still makes me think. Think about how far we have come and how far we still have to go. I have known these people for three years, yet I am still learning new things about them. I have been at this university for three years, yet there are still profs I have yet to have teach me (that I want to learn from), so many experiences I have yet to experience.
Time just keeps racing by, never stopping. I have this feeling that one day I am going to wake up and find myself in my graduation gown with my whole university career behind me. I hope that when that time comes I feel fulfilled. Because right now, although I have thoroughly enjoyed my university career thus far, and the people whom I associate with there is still something missing. And I'm not sure what it is.

The start of spring also brings stress...

As much as I love the spring for its nicer weather and the realization that summer is right around the corner, I also hate this time of year. This is the time of year when I realize that all the procrastination that I employed at the beginning of the semester, when the rainy weather made me want to do nothing but stay in bed and watch movies, is starting to kick me in the ass. All my projects are going to be due soon and I have done barely anything. All of this causes me a lot of stress just thinking about it. Now that the nice weather is here I don't want to be stuck in my room or the library working on projects and papers that may never really affect me in the real world anyway. And the one project that does affect me in the real world (my short film) doesn't seem to be becoming a reality. I wrote the script for my screenwriting class, not really meaning for it to become a film I would actually produce in class. My original idea was that it would be set in NYC but my prof wanted me to film it for class. So now I am trying to work all the details out while still trying to do all my other projects and papers. I can see already that I will probably not get a lot of sleep in the next three weeks.

Sex was taboo....but not anymore.

In most religious circles, the topic of sex is taboo. People don't want to touch it with a ten-foot pole, because it seems so controversial or condemning. They just stick with the whole, save sex for marriage angle, with no room for questions.

But there is a problem, I feel, with just saying "Don't do it." God created us, and in that he made us sexual beings. That's right....GOD CREATED US TO BE SEXUAL. Now that doesn't mean that you should say, "Well God created me this way, so I can act on all my urges." That's not what I am trying to say at all. I think that we need to discuss this topic and see it from God's angle. Because he doesn't want us to feel guilty about acting on certain urges. We wants us to be able to explore that side of ourselves.

This was the topic of conversation at my church last night. Yep, the pastor PREACHED on this subject. And I took notes....In MY BIBLE. I felt that it was important enough information that it just be recorded in the notes section of my Bible which doesn't happen very often.

Pastor Simon started out with a shocking statistic: 50% of males will have sex before they are 18. 31% of that 50% are church goers. The room, which had been giggling immaturely before got pretty quiet at this statement.

Isn't that slightly shocking though? The people who supposedly take the subject of sex so seriously. The one's who have it drilled into them that sex is supposed to be a sanctity of marriage are in the majority of those who will have sex before they turn 18.

Then Simon continued with some unique and slightly cool facts. Humans are the only creatures who can have sex while looking into their partners eyes. Think about how much more intimate it is for us that any other creatures. We are truly baring everything to our partners in that moment. Our eyes have been symbolized as a window into one's soul. So how can people claim that sex is merely just a physical act when you can spend it looking into the other's 'soul'.

Another fact was that we are the only creatures who don't have to wait for a predestined time to have sex. We can do it whenever. He told us that a doe (female deer) is only in heat for 24 hours out of the entire YEAR!! What if humans were like that? What if you could only have sex for 24 hours out of the entire year? How insane is that? We have been given a gift in a sense that God did not limit us to schedules when he created our sexuality. HOWEVER, Simon pointed out that while he gave us this incredible freedom, there are limitations.

Hebrews 13:4 (The Message) states: Honor marriage and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line between casual and illicit sex.

1 Corinthinas 6:16 (The Message) states: There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical act.

God said that when a man and a women come together they become one flesh. It isn't just a momentary pleasure. When you connect in the most intimate of ways like that you give part of yourself to that other person. Why would you strip down and bear everything (physically) with a person if you have not first shared every other aspect of your life with that person? Why would you share that most secret part of yourself if the person was not committed to protecting you, cherishing you, loving you? Why do we still see sex as this simple thing? That it doesn't mean anything beyond the momentary pleasure? It means SO much more.

This is why you should save it for the person who has committed themselves to you for the rest of your life. Your spouse and life partner.

"I could be the WORST lover in the world, but I wouldn't know. I could be doing it wrong....I would hope not. But I could be. But I don't know. The only women I have ever been with is my wife. And the only guy that she has ever been with is me." - Simon Gau

To those who claim that you need to 'test-drive' before you can make an informed decision about the women (or guy) you are going to marry, Simon said this, "Girls (or Guys) are NOT CARS! You can't take them for a 'test-drive.'" He said that when you truly love someone, the sex is going to be awesome. Even though neither of you may know what you're doing. Because it is an act that signifies that you are becoming one. One flesh, one entity.

While most churches probably say to stay away from anything physical with your bf/gf Simon says that a good dating relationship needs some physical aspect to it. We SHOULD be physical with our bf/gf otherwise we are missing out on an important part of the relationship. However, there is of course a line. Because once you get to a certain point it becomes a slippery, slippery slope to going too far.

"Simon's 10 stages fo a physical relationship"

1) Flirting ( he called the vomit-inducing Jr. high stuff)

2) Hugging (starts at the awkward hug where like three people could fit between you, to the really close, front to front hug and the girl sighs....)

3) Holding hands (self explanatory)

4) Light kisses --> Simon calls this the peaches stage. Say peaches out loud and that is what the kiss is like. Quick peck. Might start out on the cheek, like you would kiss your mom, grandma, the aunt who pinches your cheeks.)

5) Heavy kissing --> Prunes stage. Again say prunes out loud. This is where there is more lip movement, making out without tongue.

6) French kissing/necking --> Alfalfa stage. Saying alfalfa involves moving your tongue. Thus, this is where the tongue comes in. This might also be the stage where the guy might start kissing your neck or behind your ear.

7) Light petting/touching --> This is ABOVE the clothes. While Simon didn't explain this one, I would assume that this is sensual touching. Not just touching/holding your bf/gf waist.

8) Heavy petting/touching --> UNDER the clothes. Simon referred to this as the Star Trek of physical touch "Going where no hand has gone before."

9) Oral Sex

10) Intercourse

According to Simon the line is above number seven. Everything above the line is acceptable before marriage, whereas everything below the line should be avoided until you are married. He also commented that in his mind 9 and 10 are combined. Sex is sex. Period.

He had a rule for guys for areas on the girls' body that is a 'no': "Don't touch anywhere that a one-piece bathing suit would cover. And not those mono-kinis. A true one-piece. Like the kind your mom or grandma would wear."

To end the sermon Simon had this to say. "Guys, your girlfriend is going to be someone's wife, and she may not be yours. Respect her future husband by respecting her. Girls, your boyfriend is going to be someone's husband and maybe not yours. Respect his future wife."

I think a good rule is don't do anything that might be awkward sharing with your gf/bf's future spouse. Make sure that you don't do anything that you would be ashamed to look into their eyes to tell them.

My friends boyfriend told her that he wants to be able to look into her husband's eyes (if they don't end up together) and tell him that while they were together he respected her and saved her for him. That they didn't do anything to compromise future relationship they both may have.

That is something that we really need to think about.

Love is FOREVER

In our society the word 'love' is thrown out so haphazardly. I love this. I love that. But how can the word have any more significance when said to a bf or gf if we use it all the time?

This is what my pastor was discussing last night at church and some of the things that he said really stuck with me. He was telling us how love isn't just a feeling. That definition of love was probably made up by 'love-struck' teenagers who couldn't keep their hormones under control. Love is not something that is supposed to be rushed, or taken for granted. Love is not supposed to be just given away and then taken back in the same breathe. How can we 'love' tacos yet also 'love' our significant other. Sure, we probably mean to say that we 'love' our bf or gf more than we love tacos, but how can we make that distinction when we use the word so generously. "Well honey I love you like I love tocos. It means I like you a whole lot right now, but you know...maybe not in like a month." Is that what love is??

Of course NOT!! This is not how love is supposed to be. It isn't supposed to be conditional. It shouldn't be "I'll love you until....you cheat on me or until we fall out of love." It should be "I'll love you until I die. I am committed to you and only you." Simon (my pastor) told us that realistically, in a dating relationship, you shouldn't say "I love you" until the next words out of your mouth are "Will you marry me?" That love is that serious. If you aren't ready or willing to marry the person you are with you should not be saying the 'l' word. Because love is not meant to be taken back. You are supposed to give it away unconditionally.

Our love should be a reflection of God's love. God's love isn't conditional. God loved us SOOOO much that he sent his ONLY son to die on the cross for us. Doesn't that show you something about love? God doesn't love us because we loved him first. He loved us while we were still rejecting him, spitting in his face. But he gave us everything he had anyway. That is how WE should love. We should pour ourselves out, even if we don't receive love in return. Now this doesn't mean that we should stand for being mistreated, but don't give your love on the CONDITION that the person loves you back. By giving your love freely, it is more likely that the other person will see your commitment and love you in return.

Simon told us the story of how he proposed to his wife. He took her on a scavenger hunt and the last stop was a park. There was a tent with white Christmas lights strung all around it. Candles on the ground. And over the backstop of the baseball field hung a sheet. He had set up a projector connected to a laptop and it was playing a slideshow of pictures that had been taken over the two years that they had been dating. Then a countdown clock came up and it was counting how many years, months, days, hours, minutes, and seconds they had been dating. Then up popped the words "What's next?"

Ashley, his wife, turned to him and said, "What is next?" Completely oblivious to everything. Then he said, "Ashley I love you." He said at those three words, she gasped and started crying because they had talked before and said that they wouldn't say "I love you" until they were ready to get married. Those three little words were SO powerful, because in that moment it was clear that Simon was committed to HER.

See how powerful LOVE can be?

Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud, it is not rude. It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

Starting the New Year off with a BANG!!!!

Yesterday was one of the best days of my LIFE! It will be one of those days that I will remember for a long time. It was full of surprises, the start of new friendships, and some amazing moments.

It started off pretty average with a 5 hour work shift at Cracker Barrel where I am a hostess. But it is the events that occurred after this that made it so AMAZING!

After I got off work, my sister, her best friend and I piled into the car and began the trip to Nashville to see Nick Jonas and the Administration in concert. We jammed to some mix CD's, starting off with the Black Eyed Peas' "I've Got a Feeling" which was a perfect song for the day.

We made a side stop at a Tennessee Cracker Barrel for dinner before getting back on the road. However, because of this little (yet necessary) stop, we were behind schedule on getting to the venue. I had to speed the rest of the way to Nashville and I pulled into the parking garage next to the Ryman Auditorium at 6:45 pm. With the concert starting in 15 minutes we raced up the stairs and to the will call window to pick up the coveted tickets to the show.

At this point we were on the verge of hyperventilation. We were running on pure adrenaline, having raced up the stairs, paired with the fact that we were in the same building as Nick Jonas. It was pretty surreal. AND THEN! Then we saw where our seats were. We were in section 1 row M, which doesn't sound that amazing but it was. We were off to Nick's left and although we couldn't see the entire stage, we could always see Nick perfectly which was the important part. Plus in a venue like the Ryman, even row M seems super close.

We had basically just reached our seats when the lights went down and Diane Birch came onto the stage. She was amazing. Her voice is so pure and soulful. I could see why Nick would choose her as an opening act. She is so talented. As soon as I got home I bought her album off of iTunes. (Well actually my sister bought it....but still.) The name of the CD is Bible Belt which is interesting because at one point during her set I turned to Sarah (my sister's bff) and said that she sounded like she should be singing in a Southern Baptist church choir. That her music had that feel to it.

After her set that was a sort-of intermission while they changed the stage around for Nick's set. Some girls whom my sister had met at an Honor Society show and with whom she had been texting all day came over to our section and we chatted about the show, about the prospect of seeing Nick up close and where we could meet up afterwards to hang out. Then my phone buzzed and I had received a text from a friend who was also at the concert which read "Christa Black is here!" Just at that moment I heard some slight screams and I looked up to the balcony and saw Christa Black surrounded by a least 20 girls trying to get pictures with her. I was in awe for a moment and almost forgot that I was there to see Nick because I was so excited to see Christa. I love reading her blogs and I can't wait until her book comes out. She has been such an inspiration to me. Her faith is so strong and has been tested so much, yet she has come out such a strong and beautiful person. I was half-tempted to run up to the balcony to get a picture with her, but I didn't know how long the intermission would be or even if I would be allowed up there.

After some debate I stayed put and had a conversation with the girls in the row in front of me about Christa's blog and how much it inspires us. In the middle of our chat the lights went down and the chaos began. But it was the good kind of chaos. The kind that shows how dedicated we are to these boys who bear the last name Jonas.

Nick's show was beyond description. Even without his brothers he has such a stage presence. You can see the light in his eyes as he plays his songs. The passion for what he is doing is evident. He isn't doing it for the fame or fortune or the perks that come along with it. He is doing it for the love of the music. He gets a real joy at sharing his thoughts, opinions and feelings through the words of his songs. He even said that these songs came from his heart. He told us that he was going to "pour them out" for us.

I'm not sure which of his new songs is my favorite. He had such an eclectic set of music. I loved them all. Although I particularly loved when he used his falsetto in songs such as "State of Emergency" and "An Olive and An Arrow". I felt my knees threaten to give out several times because of his sexy voice. It should be illegal for people to be able to sing like that. He could have killed me with that voice.

I loved that he covered Stevie Wonder's "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" and was appalled that so few people knew the words. I also found it incredibly humbling that he forgot the words to "Fireflies" you would think that after messing up at the two Dallas shows he would have tried to learn the words. But I'll forgive him. His cover of "Use Somebody" came me shivers. I wouldn't say that it was necessarily better than the original, but Nick definitely added his own flair to it.

Another thing that I loved was the he re-did both "Inseparable" and "Tonight" which are two of my favorite songs. "Inseparable" is so old-school Jonas Brothers and I love that he is going to be bringing it back. It made me want to squee.

After the concert, which left me feeling breathless and possibly in the need for mouth to mouth came the next best part of my night. I was able to meet up with some girls that I only knew through the internet, but that I felt connected to for a while. We clicked immediately and we spent the night at IHOP (there was 12 of us in total) chatting about Nick J and the rest of the Jonases as well as what we like to do, where we go to school, other concerts we have been to. It was so much fun and I really didn't want to leave.

But the fun didn't end at IHOP. Two of the girls came back to the hotel that my sister, Sarah and I were staying at to hang out and when we pulled into the parking lot a tour bus was parked there. We freaked out a little but then we thought "why would Nick stay at the Comfort Inn?" While we waited in the lobby to be checked in a white town car (with really dark tinted windows) pulled up outside the lobby. It sat there for a few minutes before finally the driver came inside to check in whoever was in the car. We were leaving at this point but as we did, Britney asked if there was someone important in the car. The guy didn't answer but he sort of smirked and did a slight nod of his head. We fangirl'd when we were around the corner from the lobby, but we didn't stick around to find out who was in the car because it was really cold outside and we wanted to go to the room to get warm.

We all hung out for about two hours just chilling out. We watched some YouTube videos, looked at Nick Jonas Thinks, gossiped, read people's comments about the show on Twitter, and just had fun. It felt like we and known each other for a long time and not just a few hours. And if you know me it takes me a while before I can completely be myself with someone when I first meet them. But not last night. I just felt like I clicked with everyone and because they weren't judging me because of my love of JB it made the night so much more enjoyable because I didn't have to sensor any Jonas comments that came to mind because everyone was thinking the same thing.

The concert, the after-party, the after-after party. It was all incredible. I have the pictures and videos that prove it happened but it still feels like such a surreal experience. Like some sort of dream.

It was a night that will forever stick with me and hopefully the friendships that were forged will be able to last. I hope I can meet up and hang out with all those girls again. Ya'll are incredible!!!

Thanks for bringing us together Nick!