Distractions...

have you ever had that feeling where you know that you have something you were supposed to do, or somewhere to be but you can't remember what that this is? that is basically the way i have felt since i woke up yesterday. and at first i had a good reason to feel that way.

you see, i am in a hiking course and in this course we don't have 'class'. the prof doesn't lecture about hiking safety or anything like that (although he did give us some pointers in the one lecture class we had at the beginning of the semester). however, the way this class works is that the prof has set aside six saturdays throughout the semester and we are supposed to pick four of them that work for us and go on those four hikes.

well, i went on the first one and then for various reasons i wasn't able to go on the last two, so that left me with yesterday and the next two following saturdays. however, yesterday my alarm clock decided to be a bitch and didn't go off. so instead i woke up at 8:30 pretty much in a panic because my alarm hadn't gone off.

and let me clarify another thing for you. the bus leaves at 8 am NO EXCEPTIONS!!! so i had missed the bus. now you're probably thinking what's the big deal. just talk to the prof and tell him that your alarm didn't go off. and just let me say that i probably will do that, however, i am not seeing it going well. because you see, if you don't go on four hikes you fail the class. so if you are adding it up correctly in your head there are only two hikes left, and i have only gone on one. do you see my dilemma?

and this really sucks because now i am going to fail the course, which is going to cause my gpa to drop and could possibly ruin the chances that i am going to graduate on time because in order to get the 'f' off my transcript i will have to repeat the course. FML

so because of this one incident i have felt 'off' ever since. i can't place my finger on any other reason. it has left me frazzled and almost sick to my stomach. i have had very little appetite since yesterday and i can't shake this lethargy that i seem to have right now.

i keep trying to do homework, and i have succeeded in little doses at a time, but i just can't seem to get into a studying groove. i can work for about an hour and then i have to do something else. i can't even procrastinate properly. everything is boring to me. i just don't know what to do.

i could take a walk in the back 40, but it's dark so i would have to see if someone in my dorm has a flashlight so i wouldn't get lost. also, i would love if my parents would skype me. maybe talking with them could ease some of this anxiety/boredom or whatever it is that is causing me to feel like this.

i feel like i am stuck inside a day dream or something. everything seems to be happening in slow motion. i mean it is only 7 yet i feel like it should be 10. i am seriously running out of ideas of what to do with myself. i have already watched a movie today, and worked on two assignments that are coming up. and typing this all out isn't really helping. it is just making me feel more pathetic.

i am seriously so distracted. even concentrating on writing this blog is hard. my mind just keeps wandering to other things. and they aren't even important things. right now i am debating crawling down from my perch on the top bunk to get something to drink because i am thirsty, yet i don't want to get down just to get right back up again.

seriously, i think i need some help. this funk i am in is getting out of hand. next i won't want to get down to use the bathroom and then i will be in some serious trouble.

Sunday Night Reflections

went to youth church tonight. no, it isn't youth group. it is a church service that is aimed at reaching young people for Christ. we are the most powerful generation to reach in this day and age. and youth church is trying to reach us. the majority of people who attend youth church are between the ages of 16 and 25. it is amazing. the worship music makes me feel like i am at a tfk (thousand foot krutch) concert or something of that nature. and the message always makes me think. tonight was no exception.

we were studying from luke 15 tonight. the chapter is three parables that all teach the same lesson. it is the parable of the lost sheep. [a shepherd has 100 sheep and he loses one. he leaves the 99 in the open country (in peril of wolves) to find the one he has lost]. the second parable is that of the lost coin. [a woman has 10 coins and she loses one. she turns her house upside down looking for it] and the last parable is that of the prodigal son. [a father has two sons. one son demands his inheritance and then takes off. squandering his money on gambling and prostitutes. when he gets to the point of starvation he returns home, only to find his father waiting for him, with open arms, all debts forgiven]. all three of these parables, according to the speaker, are about how God looks at the lost. the people who have yet to turn to him. if everyone in the world believed in Jesus and ONE person still didn't know who he was, or was a follower, he would scour the entire earth for this person just to bring them back to Him.

He would do the same for you or me. if we were to stray from him, he would pursue us. night and day, until we returned to Him. each of these stories also ended in a celebration, celebrating the fact that the thing, or person that was lost was returned to its rightful place. the speaker said that when we finally turn to God after straying from Him there is much rejoicing in heaven. because there is more to celebrate when a sinner turns to Him than those of us who are already in His presence.

i really liked this message because it reminded me that i shouldn't take my salvation for granted. in the story of the prodigal son, the son who remained loyal to his father and did not squander his inheritance was jealous of the fact that his father threw a huge celebration for the other brother upon his return. he told his father that he had remained loyal, yet his father had never thrown him a celebration. yet the father explained that because he had stayed faithful everything that the father owned belonged to him, yet they should still celebrate the other brothers return because he had been 'dead' and was 'alive'. in the same way, those of us who are faithful in our faith are equal inheritors of Christ's kingdom, yet we should still rejoice when 'sinners' come to faith. for these people were dead in their sins and now they are alive.

another reason that this message was particularly powerful was the imagery that God is relentlessly pursuing those who are 'lost'. like the woman in the lost coin parable, Jesus will turn lives and circumstances upside down if it will mean that someone will come to know him. and like the father in the prodigal son parable, he is waiting with open arms for you. as soon as you make the decision to return to him (or follow him for the first time), as soon as you take that first step, he will see you and begin running towards you ready to receive you into his arms.

another thing we talked about was that we who are already followers of Christ need to help in this pursuit. we should be seeing those who are lost and trying to help them find a relationship with the God who created them. because he wants all those who are lost to be found and join in his kingdom, and he will not stop his pursuit until they are all found.

it was definitely something for me to think about. if you look at luke 15 in my Bible i now have much of the passage underlined and notes in the margin. so now every time i look at this passage i can remember this message.

another thing from tonight that stuck with me was some of the songs that we sang. i will list a couple.

take it all --- hillsong united

mighty to save --- hillsong united

and then they sang remain by starfield. it was the first time i had heard it, but it struck a chord in me. the gist of the song is that no matter what happens, whatever troubles or tribulations come my way, Jesus's love remains the same. He will never change. He will always be faithful.

here are the lyrics:

Defender of this heart
You loved me from the start
You never change

Through the highs and lows
As seasons come and go
You never fail

Day after day
Your love will remain
Faithful and true
You are good

[Chorus:]
You are God with us
You're victorious
You are strong and mighty to save
For Your word stands true
There is none like You
And when all else fades
You remain

When troubles come my way
You guide and You sustain
Lead me, I pray

Forever You will be
The great eternal King
Now and always

Day after day
Your love will remain
Faithful and true
You are good, you are good

[Chorus]

When all else fades
You remain

[Chorus 3x]

You remain

Cause' day after day
You never change
Day after day
You are the same
Day after day
You remain

He will always be waiting for you, looking for you to come to Him. He isn't going to give up. so why don't you run to him. show Him that you have heard his voice. enter his arms of love.

it feels so good when you do.