I've had the time of my life... and I owe it to TWU

It's spring again, which means that the school year is drawing to a close. Once again I enter that final sprint for the finish line which is full of those final hurdles of the semester. Those final projects, presentations, and research papers that professors save for the final month of school and which are always (coincidentally) due in exactly the same week for all my classes. No matter how much I plan my semester out by making myself reading and project schedules, this phase of the semester always seems to come out of nowhere. Contrary to popular belief (read: my mother) I don't procrastinate (at least on purpose). I have been working hard to keep up in all my classes and not allow things to fall away. However, despite the fact that this may be my least heavy semester (credit-wise) in all my four years at University, this seems to be one of my hardest. I think this is in part to the fact that two of my three classes are project based classes. Projects which are both worth the majority of the grade in the course and which take quite a lot of my 'free' time.

Thinking of all I have to finish, makes me reflect on the fact that this last month will not just be an end to a semester or an end to a year, but it will be the end of something much greater. It is the end of my education (at least institutional education). In a little over a month, I will walk up on stage on front of my peers, professors, friends and family and receive my BA. This is a huge step for me, not just in the obvious way, but because I am the first in my family to do so. And while my family seemed to have the faith that I would finish, there were times that I wasn't sure. School can sometimes be a huge burden to carry, and when you are pulling hour 15 on a research paper and are running off of copious amounts of caffeine just to stay awake, you sometimes wonder if it will ever be worth it. Now that it is finally within reach however, I am glad that I pushed through all the tough times and worked hard for four years to get to this point.

This time of year is usually very reflective for me, but this year I also find myself feeling slightly melancholic. Now don't get me wrong, I am very excited about graduating from University. However, I am also quite sad to be leaving a place which in so many ways has become a part of me. For four years I have lived on this campus. It has become my home in many ways. I have made so many friends here, some of which I know will be friends I will keep for life. Two of which I call my best friends, roommates, soul-mates. We are bonded by philia and they will forever be an engrained part of who I am. I came here four years ago, knowing no one, and now as I prepare to leave this place, I know whole-heartedly that I will never regret a single moment that I have spent here. The memories (the good and the bad) are many and I have learned so much. Not just in the classroom, but outside as well, and these lessons that I have learned will continue to guide me even after I leave this campus.

In many ways, my university experience has not been extraordinary. I go to class and do homework like any other college student. I complain about my professors at time, and definitely complain about the papers or projects that I am staying up to all hours of the night to finish before they are due. However, in other ways, I know that my time at University has been special. I have gotten to know my professors well and develop relationships with them that span outside the classroom. Just this past Friday all the graduating COMM majors were invited to dinner at one of our professor's house. All the COMM profs were there and were able to share memories about the last four years, as well as talk about where we thought we were all going to do after we left TWU. The profs shared some of their memories of us, as well as shared some well-recieved advice about the 'real world'.

I feel so blessed to be able to be at this point of my life. It scares me on some levels, because there are days (and hours and minutes) where I get a stricken feeling that I am not going to be prepared enough for the trials waiting for me. And then there are other times when I know that I just have to take a breath and have faith that it will all come together in the end. God has provided for me thus far and I know he will continue to provide for me in the future. I just need to remember to take one day at a time.

Goodbye 2010 - Hello 2011

I am not much of a resolution maker or anything like that but I plan to work really harding on making 2011 a better year than 2010. Don’t get me wrong, 2010 taught me lots and I got to experience some awesome things.

I wrote and produced my very first film for my school’s film festival, and although I didn’t win any awards, and I still consider it a “work-in-progress” it felt really good to create something from scratch.

I got to participate in an awesome internship at Country Music Television and even got to help out at the CMT Awards. I lived and worked in Nashville, TN, living away from home for the first time (excluding living on campus).

I turned 21, and although I was in Nashville and away from all my friends, I still managed to celebrate my birthday in a fun way.

I was also a bridesmaid in my best friends’ wedding and got to cry through my tears as two people whom I have known since middle school exchanged their vows.

2010 also brought me some new friends, and some great experiences like the Epic Nash-Lanta Roadtrip to see Honor Society in concert on back-to-back nights in Nashville, TN and Atlanta, GA. Getting to meet and greet the Gents at both concerts and sharing a moment with Andy when he said he saw our tweet about our car breaking down in Nashville and how they would have come rescued us if they hadn’t already been in Atlanta at the time.

2010 was pretty great but I am looking ahead to 2011.

This year I plan to:

Graduate from University in April.

Go on a two and a half week roadtrip with my roommates of four years, ending our trip in Orlando to visit WWoHP in May.

Get a job.

Possibly move out of my parents house.

Start dating again.

Turn 22.

See my college best friends get married in October.

Happy New Year Friends!!

May your 2011 be AWESOME!!

Roommates can be frustrating.....

Let me preface this blog by saying that this post is going to be a rant. It will probably come across as rude and inconsiderate, but it has been pressing on my mind for WEEKS and I need to get it off my chest. I don't want to have all my anger and emotions come out if/when I confront my roommate so I need to vent it here first. I hope you don't mind.

One of my three roommates I have never lived with before. We felt bad that her roommate bailed on her, so because my other two roommates and I were to be renting a two bedroom apartment, and we all knew her because she had lived down the hall from us last year, we invited her to join us. However, it is still kinda awkward because we aren't really what you would call friends. Sure we know her well enough to live with her, but we don't really know her all that well having only really met her last year and hadn't really spent much time with her before she moved in. This causes a bit of tension between us already because we don't know each other's ticks and so on. The rest of us have lived together for three years and have therefore developed a really strong relationship and while I still notice their quirks they don't really bother me. However, the new girl, just seems to rub me the wrong way. She changes in the bathroom instead of her own bedroom, which to me is just weird and I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does because when she's in there the rest of us can't be. It's one thing if you are showering or something but otherwise you are just taking up the space. Also, we are 3 1/2 months into school at this point and I think by now she should have picked up on the rest of our routines. But no. EVERYDAY she asks what time we will be waking up the next day and who amongst us will be showering when. Really??? Why don't you just wake up when you need to for class and if someone is in the shower, just ask them through the door to hurry up because you also have to shower. We will respond to that I PROMISE. We have all shared bathrooms for four years (and in my case my entire life...three girls one bathroom growing up YIKES!)

And then there is that awkward moment when we are planning outings with our friends and we hesitate and think, should we invite her? I mean she really isn't a part of our close group of friends, yet it would be rude not to since she LIVES with us, but it really is a puzzle because we have had the same group of friends for four years and now I feel like we have this "third wheel" that we have to worry about.

It really shouldn't bother me as much as it does, but I swear I am getting really tired of her. And I know that is incredibly rude and self-centered of me. But I am tired of her constant questions and her constant asking of permission to use things that we have told her 100 times are community property.

This really is like 3 months of venting and I apologize to my readers (if I even have any). It is almost Christmas break and I will be out of this space for like three weeks. I am hoping my time away will give me space to clear my head and put all of these frustrations in perspective and I can come back in the new year with a better sense of how to deal with these problems, including talking them out with the roommate in question. We will probably have to call a roommate meeting or something, but I really do want to get this resolved. It is so draining to be frustrated with someone you live with and not doing anything about it.

It's a rollercoaster ride we're on

Yesterday was quite a rollercoaster ride. What started off as a normal work day at CMT quickly changed into an emotional rollercoaster. Some of these emotions were work related and some were personal, yet the personal ones seeped into my work. One of the first things that happened was my mom texting me to tell me that my uncle who has been in and out of the hospitals for surgeries over the past couple of months probably wouldn't make it to the end of the day. So now I have to continue through my day while carrying around this weight of apprehension. It was like a tangle of nerves, a rock, in the pit of my stomach all day, yet I had to continue my job, keeping my composure while handling my duties. Then some minor work related stress came in the afternoon after our weekly viewing of the show when I discovered that we had to switch out a bonus music video for another one, which meant I had to go back and re-write the closed captioning script to reflect the changes as well as replace the lyrics. Then I hear the news that my uncle has passed and all I want to do is cry at my desk, but how unprofessional would that be? Then literally five minutes after I have read the news on my sister's Facebook wall, my little sister is calling me to tell me that she has been accepted at my college. Which should make me very happy, but it is hard to be happy when I can still feel the lump in my throat and my eyes are still glazed with silent tears. Then my mother beeps through and I take her call, and she unleashes on her stress on me. She rants about how the money situation is going to be so tight if my sister begins to attend my school. And I know this is a concern, a big concern, but how am I supposed to do anything about it? She goes on about how she has already paid for my cousins, my aunt and my grandma to come visit next week, and now she will have to fly to Miami for my uncle's funeral. And then she will have to fly out to WA in a few weeks to move my sister into her dorm, although I could probably do that myself. I move in the same day she does, I would be more than happy to get her to where she needs to be. But I really can understand where my mom is coming from. My school is expensive, I'm not going to deny that. But my dad makes good money and if they just cut back on eating out and buying things that they don't need I think that God will provide. We just need to rely on him. Plus, with both of us out of the house, and my dad in Iraq how much money will my mother really be spending?
Although another part of me thinks that the real reason she is upset isn't the money or my sister's medical problems. I think is afraid of all of her daughters moving away. As much as she complains about my little sister still living at home, I think she likes it because then she is not alone. Maybe she doesn't want my sister to start school in the fall because then she will have to be alone while my dad is in Iraq. But I just can't carry around everyone else's emotions. It is so hard just living my own life, to have all of this other stuff thrown on me as well is sometimes more than I can handle. I am really happy that my sister has been accepted at my school, and proud that she would want to go to the same school I do. I am also glad because I will get to see her all the time, so every time something happens that I know only she can relate to, she will be right there to enjoy it with me. But I know I am the go between. My mom will be calling all the time to 'check up' on my sister and I am hoping that I can handle it. This is my senior year. My last year to hang out with my friends all the time, and do pretty much whatever we want before we have to enter the 'real world'. The world of 9-5 jobs and rent, and car payments and all that other stuff that comes with being a responsible adult. I hope that I won't die of stress before that happens.
And readers, I apologize for throwing all this onto you, but if I didn't let it out somewhere it was going to erupt inside me and I can't handle that. I could feel it building up just from yesterday. I can't imagine what another 24 hours would do. Thanks for being so patient. It is nice to be able to let this all out. LIke that breath of air after you have been under the water for too long. Wish I could meet you all in person and give you a hug. And for those of you that I do know in person, expect a hug the next time we meet face - to - face. [you know who you are.]

The end is approaching....

Of my internship that is....

It really hit me today that this internship is almost over. I received an email from HR reminding me to schedule my exit interview as well as clarify which day would be my final day at CMT since I will have to surrender my badge. There is a part of me that wishes they would just deactivate it so I keep it as a reminder of my time here. While I will be taking memories, some pictures, and of course all the amazing experiences and lessons, having tangible evidence would be the cherry on top. But alas, that won’t be possible. This experience really has been a dream come true. I have learned so much while I am here. I have seen how each episode of the show gets put together starting with the research, which evolves into the written script, which is then used to film.

I have also got to see how each of the other departments work together to keep the channel up and running. We wouldn’t even have a show unless the music strategy department took the time to figure out where each music video ranks and which new videos need to be premiered. Or if the mobile and dot com departments didn’t push our audience to watch the videos on their phones or online. And while at times it seems like each of us is just a small cog in a big machine it is also a lot of teamwork. We do have control over what we do; it isn’t just all decided for us by some faceless entity.

I also know that just by being apart of this internship I have given myself a leg up on entering this profession. I have had the opportunity to work on both small and large-scale productions while I have been here and can use that knowledge and experience in whatever I pursue next. I have also got to experience first hand the inner workings of a huge organization, albeit one of the smaller entities of a huge organization but still.

Working at CMT has really opened my eyes to the world outside of school, and wherever I end up going after my time at Trinity is done I know that I will be prepared because of my experience here. Whether it is the hustle and bustle of working on a set or if it is working on the clerical side of a production, I can say that I feel prepared to work in this industry.